Denise’s story has been lightly edited for clarity.

I was 22 years old when I was arrested for second-degree murder. I’ve been incarcerated over 37 years thus far. I make no excuse for my actions of being involved in the crime I’m incarcerated for.

Back in 1986, I became interested in cocaine. I began smoking it, and it didn’t take long before I wanted more and more of it. While staying at the house of Mr. Dave (the victim), I spent my sole welfare check every two weeks on cocaine. The father of my two-year-old daughter had taken her from me when he found out about my drug addiction.

After using this drug on and off for a year, I wanted to get my daughter back and take care of her, so I moved in with my aunt Marlene, who lived close to Mr. Dave’s house. My boyfriend came with me. About a month later we needed money, so we decided to go back to the drug neighborhood to sell drugs for the dealers to get paid. My co-defendant and I bought cocaine with the money we made and went to a smoke house to get high. There were others there sitting around a table. I saw how the cocaine was running out and I wanted more.

We didn’t have any more money, and I remembered that Mr. Dave did bus excursions for ski trips among other things. He collected money from the people who went on these trips. I told my codefendant and the guy we met at the smoke house about it, so we went to Mr. Dave’s house. Although it was late, I knocked on the door. When he opened it, one of the guys pushed him to the side while I ran upstairs to his room. I went searching through his drawers and closets but found nothing. I heard a sound downstairs so I started walking down. When I got to the bottom of them, I saw my boyfriend tying something around Mr. Dave’s feet. I also saw the guy choking Mr. Dave. I didn’t like what I saw and became hysterical. I told them to stop and asked if he was okay because he didn’t move. The guy stated “he will come through”.

So, I started looking around for the money that I didn’t find but knew was there. I noticed the floor model color television in the living room, so we took it and sold it to a drug dealer for forty dollars. We bought cocaine with the money and got high. My boyfriend and I went back to where we were staying and the guy went his way.

I kept thinking about Mr. Dave. The next day, I dialed Mr. Dave’s phone and there was a busy signal. I dialed his number the next day and the same thing happened. The third day, I dialed his number, and the phone rang. I hung up because I knew he would be very upset with me and I didn’t know what to say. I just wanted him to be okay, and when I heard his phone ringing, I thought he was.

Later on that week, I found out that he wasn’t okay. I couldn’t keep this to myself, so I broke down and confided in my aunt. The next day, two detectives came and questioned my boyfriend and I. That’s when we were arrested (February 20, 1987), and sent to the county jail. Eighteen months later, I went to trial for two weeks and was found guilty of second-degree murder by a jury. My codefendant was found guilty of first-degree murder, and the third person was never found.

As I’m writing about my crime, it’s not easy for me to do. My heart hurts because the robbery I planned took a turn for the worst. Mr. Dave wasn’t suppose to be harmed in any way. If I had known that this was going to happen, I never would have set it up.

My decision at that time was the worst I’ve ever made. When I was sentenced to life and sent to SCI Muncy, I saw myself for who I was. I knew very little about the world and how to live in it. I was a physically abused child who grew up in a household of welfare recipients. I got pregnant by a nineteen year old on my block when I was raped at the age of thirteen by a group of guys from around my school area. I was transferred to different schools because of the rape. I eventually dropped out of school in the 10th grade. I met my daughter’s father and gave birth to my daughter at age nineteen. I never had a job or my own apartment. I lived with family members and anyone who would let me stay at their home. 

Coming to prison gave me a different perspective on my life. I joined the lifers organization, went to school, and started a job in the kitchen. This gave me a sense of belonging and responsibility. I continued to progress no matter the obstacles in my way. I learned all I needed while incarcerated. 

The woman I am now is who I was raised to be. My grandmother raised me to be a God-fearing woman. I attend church services every Sunday. I sing in the choir and I have a daily prayer life.

Right now I’m in cosmetology school. I always loved doing hair; now I will be getting a license for it. I live in the therapeutic unit in a recovery bed to help those who are doing the program. I know how it is being hooked on drugs. I also know how it is to live sober and in your right frame of mind.

I reached out to Mr. Dave’s family through the apology bank twice. I also did ten hours of victims awareness and attended the day of responsibility seminar three times. I raised and trained dogs from canine partners for life and paws in prison. My list of accomplishments goes on.

Everything I’ve done and will do is in honor of Mr. Dave. 

If granted my freedom, I plan to go to God’s Treasure House “transitional living house for women”. I will get a job as a certified peer support specialist, a certified recovery specialist, or both. In my free time, I can do hair. The things that interest me are: cross stitching, crocheting, painting, facilitating groups, exercising, listening to my gospel music, singing on the Christmas choir, praise dancing. I also like watching a good movie on the weekends. I love word search puzzles! I know how to play outside sports (basketball, baseball, volleyball). I also play board games and card games sometimes. 

Today, I choose to be the best me I can be. I move forward every day. Although my situation may be hard, I am reminded of the reason I’m here. I don’t beat myself up about it; it’s a lesson learned that will help keep me humble.

— Denise Crump